A couple of weeks ago I went to Salt Lake City to see a chiropractor about my heel spurs. While was there I realized my trip wasn’t about my heel spurs, bc after X-rays I didn’t have any. It was about stepping outside of my narrow scope and understanding. Or, understanding in part. I was able to see things and speak words I haven’t been able to. I was able to help people I’d never even met. Not quite like a mission trip or anything, or maybe it was. It was layered, I guess? Only when I arrived home was I able to process it all. All 5 days it. Not a long time, but wonderful. My friend Chirs asked if I want to be a part of this pod-cast called “The Shrink Show” while I was there, you know I would! It was with his brother-in-law, Tysen and a guy named Dr. Matt. A clinical psychologist at The University of Utah. This interview and the video in the last posting were crucial in my understanding of issues I had not yet dealt with. Thank you so much, Chris, Tysen, Dr. Matt, Dr. Giles, Nancy, Molly, Holly, Greg, Colin and the Kimble Family, Sara Quintero and Derik Hendrickson. You guys helped me see.
Here is the link to “The Shrink Show” website and a handsome picture of Tysen. The other dude isn’t too bad either!! It’s kinda long, but I think you’ll enjoy it!
WHEW! It’s been quite some time, eh? When I read the last post I made back in the summer I think one word “angry”, I don’t desire a life full of it. I wonder if anyone truly does, at their core. Anger…I’m a victim….they owe me something..it’s your fault, your fault and your fault.. I assume zero responsibility. Come on, Mr. Ryan. I believe I am more than the sum of seemingly negative events in my past. That was the past. It was perfect, it lead me here.. to this keyboard in this house in Columbia TN. My past is just that..in the past, my future is really unimaginable. If I’m in either of them well, then, I’m not here at this keyboard in Columbia TN. I’m not where my feet are. I’m living in guilt, shame and regret or anxiety of what is to come.. if anything! I desire to be fully present in this moment, this moment in which i’m not deserving of. The reality is, I’m a mark. I’m one mark made in pencil on one page in one book on one shelf in one home in one state in one country on one continent on one planet in one solar system inside and out of infinity. I’m not as important as display screens tell me I am, and in the same advertisement convince me I’m not. So, keep asking questions..keeep on it. Truth is: humans will never know every answer to their every little, futile, ridiculously unintelligent inquiries. Sorry. It just isn’t going to happen. Surrender to it, Ryan. It’s in surrender that I find this peace of mind I’ve been searching for even before this blog started. So, no matter how unintelligent, intellectual, creative or true-self-abandoning we are.. the answer is inside of all of us.. we’re just gluttons for more, and more..never satisfied, and yet we keep seeking satisfaction or whatever will medicate the gash where it once may have been and then has been re-buried in other times, people, places or by all of the items, thoughts and goals we have been convinced will complete us. We’re an extension of The Father, the answer is inside of ALL OF US. We are love, that’s really all of it. It’s what we all are searching for all the time, but even if we allow it into our lives, we do our best to not let it consume us, everything is on our terms all the time. We search for control in our lives, we will never find complete control, never. That’s so wonderful! Surrender to the search, because adopting such a title is exhausting, and is perpetuating One’s ignorance. Surrender to the not knowing, to the weakness, to the fact that we are only a very small portion of the “lead” in a number 2 pencil.. enough to make our mark and that’s it. That’s it, if we’re blessed. The rest is spent in floating, spinning and circling what we really desire.. to be grounded and solidified where our feet are at any GIVEN moment. A given moment..hmm, what an empowering thought. I think I’m tired, no, I know I’m tired.. I’m tired of building a persona/ego worth nothing but lead. Sounds heavy, but is actually a dusty and anger causing burden. In toxic amounts. Now, in quiet and stillness of Mooresville Pke in Columbia TN I’m only beginning to vaguely understand the worth and purpose that comes from giving up my lower-will and surrendering. Thank you Lord for your Grace and Mercy and for shining into me the perceived importance of Man. An over-blown case of the “gimmes”. And that none of what we see appearing in this infrastructure of man’s creation (within a broad spectrum) is necessary to be happy and whole on the inside. What matters to you? What can you go without? What am I stuck on that I want/need to forgive? Why do I hold onto ideas which cause me to live in the past or future? Do I need everything I want, just because I have the resources to buy/obtain it or allow myself to be persuaded into needing it. What are we thinking? We’re human. We are beautiful and we are incomplete. I desire completeness and I KNOW you do to if you’re reading this. Allow it into your life, drop the grudges, refuse to let “the news” give you the faith of a victim. None of us are. Especially the guy with Tourette’s, OCD, ADHD, blah blahblahblah. ” I’m sure if You wanted to stop love, you could untie your end, but You don’t” Mr. Cody, if you ever read this.. I love you so much and I believe in you. So much, my friend.
I love you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys. I love you guys. I love you too, Ryan Rado.
I went to Salt Lake city to see a chiropractor about what I thought were heel spurs, they weren’t. We got to know each other well over the past week and he asked me to be a part of his video log. Here it is. I love you guys. If you need to hear it again.. you know how to get a hold of me.
Okay, so reading poses a sort-of stammer for my eyes and then links instantly to my voice-box. What I’m saying is that I did not proof-read this post. It stands how it hit me, hope you can forgive my poor grammar and execution. Any questions pertaining to the subject matter of these ideas should be expressed at Ryanrado@gmail.com. I’d love to hear your thoughts/ideas/frustrations. In process, walking, not running a race. That’s too mentally and physically taxing..
Soapbox: Alternative cultures present a “glass ceiling” limiting artistic ability, mental development and spiritual growth just like the “mainstream”. Same medication, different idea of expression. Existing in any extreme culture is limiting us from expression being realized. We operate (in most aspects) within the confines of said culture. If you break out, you’re either rejected or revered. We still have that choice.
It seems that every form of control wether emotional, spiritual, economical, gender..ect and it’s infrastructure could in essence be mis-construed as “shelter”. We enter into this shelter, find acceptance, warmth, saftey..everything a growing soldier needs to endure. Slowly, we’re turned into walking versions of the imposed. Instead of unconditional love and/or acceptance we start to accept and love..we begin to see ourselves in the shadow of what has been shown, taught or forced. We become even more fragile and convinced to remain helpless. Dependent. Like an infant. Leaving us hopeless is the gate to “heaven”. WIDE OPEN. Using fear, not respect to hold us and groom the intrinsic loving nature WE WERE BORN WITH straight out of us. I remember “becoming” a “born again christian” and learning to allow my values of tolerance, acceptance and self-worth as an 18 year old kid) to sneak out the back door because of the allure of a gang mentality. If you’re a homo-sexual, you’re wrong, if you have an abortion, you’re horrible, if you listen to Nirvana..I’m going to throw your cd at the wall if a fit of un-dealt-with rage. Pretty much, what/whichever move you make, you’re dead wrong. Well, can I say this to you? If I’m wrong in the simple idears (listening to Kurt tell me how bummed he is), have you ever considered that Big Mac? Ever considered attending an event in a building on a Sunday only through obligation? The list of finger pointing goes on and on and on. FOREVER. If we let it.
Dibilitating thoughts, obsessive rituals, explosive behavior, emotional polarity. Been there. Still there. But, I’m understanding where there are coming from. Years of influence, years of absorbing visuals, toxic chemicals, years of believing and operating under the false ideas of who I actually am. Most of the time imposed, usually from a man or woman who is too afraid to actually listen and not fire-off defenses. (finger-pointing) Think of the words we hear every day, in church, on television, in the bank and even at the grocery store.. “set apart”, “exclusive”, “gold card” “the finest ingredients” – STATUS. I DESERVE EVERYTHING ALL THE DAMN TIME. They are determining you status as a HUMAN BEING. They = The folks who create the marketing campaigns, who make the decisions on where the money goes. Oh, and us.. We buy it all! No conspiracy, these folks exist and their job is to convince you that YOU NEED THEM. Do you? Do I? Not sure. It sure seems that way, eh? What if it only SEEMS that way? What if it isn’t that way…
Utopian..
Nope, realistic. Is it realistic to think that I can exist without an iPhone? An Apple computer? This damn brownie sitting infront of me on this table at a coffee shop in Columbia, TN? Is it possible to exist without the fear of eyeballs popping out of there sockets looking directly at me moving involuntarily? HELL YES. It is.
We’ve been driven to living lives of addiction. Addiction to this brownie (the chemicals in it), the interaction of the phone, instant gratification, FB, Twitter, Hyper-religious lifestyles (being addicted to Jesus:)), working out, getting tattooes, it’s not just the “bad things”.. Marijuana, alcohol, blah blah.. IT’S EVERYTHING WE ARE CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT ON. ALL OF IT.
Try this.. Next time you’re in your bed, lights off before sleep and you’re jamming on the phone right in front of your face, blue light, switching screen, who could be pissed on FB, did Refused release a new record? Is At The Drive In coming to my town?? ..I gotta FIND OUT NOW! Okay, it’s time to sleep, I gotta wake up for work tomorrow. I gotta go to work, because I HAVE TO HAVE money. BUT, THE THOUGHT OF PUTTING THIS DAMN PHONE DOWN MAKES MY CHEST WELL UP. Anxiety. Right before sleep, peace, recharging..well, now I can’t sleep. Induce sleep with pill, alcohol, xanax, melatonin, even sugar ( I do that especially). A CYCLE NEVER-ENDING.
Induced sleep is coma-sleep.
Jeez, I haven’t written like this in some months. It feels good, but this, too, can create anxitey and an addiction to BITCHIN’!
Sometimes, I think and feel that I’m a self-righteous ding-dong, maybe so..but I’m working on flushing the unlearned ideas about who I am out of every pore, every bone, every vein. Straight up. It’s been hell. Sure, there are worse conditions to deal with, but I’d never say that to anyone dealing with involuntary movement of any kind, be that.. thoughts, chemicals, limbs, whatever the ailment is. We all have them, in different manifestation.
I’ll say this as I come to an ending..
You are not and have never been what marketing says you are. We’re all in influenced. You’re not just a label, diseased, crazy, fat, too skinny, obsessive, mean or a monster. Sure, we may posses these characteristics, but think about this..
WE WERE ALL BORN PERFECT. ATTACHING AN IDEA OF EVIL, SIN or INCONVENIENCE TO A HELPLESS INFANT IS EVIL. EVIL COMING FROM ADULTS, who’ve had decades of whatever influence to mold their opinions. Ask yourself, do you actually believe in attaching the concept of “sin” to a human? What war does that create internally? And externally? Be honest with yourself, YOU’RE NOT A SINNER. Furthermore, you’re (as a living breathing, organic, unique, fearfully and wonderfully made HUMAN) not as easily blanketed by statements which cause perpetual self-deprication. There is a vast difference between understanding your faults and flaws and swimming around in a sess-pool of self-loathing disguised as “obedience”. If we are to obey God, and God made us in his image..then there’s only man’s interpretation of what obedience looks like. And that, coming from a man or woman who feels that they require a written credential from another man/woman. COME ON! Jesus chose 12 Laymen. And, in my very humble opinion , we’re BADASSES! Each unique, each afraid and each brilliant. So, the next time that Ryan Rado thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity, hopefully he’s take a second to clearly process and come to the understanding that he is a very important part the THE WHOLE. (Like ALL OF US).
God wants us to have a happy heart. And when we have a happy heart..we’re not a jerk! I need a road map.
Thank you for reading..and watching. 3:12 is the spot.
Hello everyone, life certainly is interesting for all humans on this rock we call home.
I haven’t written anything on this blog since last year, I’ve been writing, just not “publising” it. There have been a ton of changes in our lives (Christina and I), but one thing remains..
forward motion even when it seems stagnant. It’s not. I’m writing today to say this:
May 25, 2012 made one full year of being pharmaceutical free in nearly every aspect of my life. I say this because it’s incredibly important to me and it’s also a very important key to healing. The word healing is often times misunderstood..
Here is Dictionary.com’s definition:
to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment.
Not to cover up or bury symptoms that will only pose bigger more complex problems in the future. I know what it’s like to feel imprisoned by rituals. Not saying everyone should feel the way I feel about these drugs, but I’ve felt, fought and have been buried by these psychotropic mind-benders for almost 30 years. If that’s not a true account of their negative influence on the human body, more specifically my body, mind and spirit..I really don’t know what is.
Man, I want to write a ton more and have a lot of ideas growing inside of me at this point in my life, but it creates too much anxiety to just let them flail out of me like like an exhaust pipe. I want to be as clear and direct as possible when communicating these things and at this point in the journey I don’t feel 100% confident in my ability to express them with as much clarity as I’d like to. There is a bio-chemical war happening inside of my body and on the other side of this trench there will be the clearest light. This is not a reference to anything morbid or harmful, and I realize it’s vague..but I know and believe in my intelligence level and understand the path that I’m taking to find freedom in my life.
Jeez, never let anyone’s negative feelings about themselves infiltrate your joy or the way you view yourself. We absorb everything around us just like plants.
I’ll leave you all with this.. Less is way more. // And, “Life in its fullness is nature obeyed” – Dr. Weston A. Price.
Hello everyone! It’s been far too long since any communication from me. I apologize for that! I believe I posted my last was around two months ago. A ton has happened since then, two months worth of stuff! I’ve had a lot of time to think about the past 34 years of my life (or when I began remembering). I’m hoping I’ve represented it all in what I’m about to present to all of you.
This is Penelope.
Please also watch our visual representaion of our “Neurology” ep here..
(this is an email I sent out last week (probably to some of you!)) And before you go here, http://www.workerology.com, please let me say again how much it means to me that anyone reads the words I write. Thank you.
—-
Hello all you beautiful people!
If you don’t mind, I’d like to say IT’S BEEN ONE HECK OF A YEAR! More specifically, it’s been a crazy 7 (almost 8) months for me. In short, choosing to stop relying on pharmaceuticals in order to “treat” Tourette’s Syndrome and OCD, oh and blood pressure, brain training (www.brainstatetech.com), numerous diet changes, extreme highs and lows, overtaking anxiety, many different dietary supplements, controlled breathing techniques, dental appliances, talk therapy, group therapy and now.. a year long heavy metals detoxification and rebuilding of my bio-chemistry/nervous system. This will prove to be the most life changing experience I’ve ever accomplished. And I’m choosing this. I’m refusing to believe what Neurologists and other Psychologists have fed me for over 25 years, there is no cure for what I have. I believe there is, and I’m going to find it. You can read more about this process in detail here – http://www.ryanrado.com
While going through this process, 4 dudes and I have been working on creating new music to record and play under the name Worker. 5 songs. (thanks to J.Hall for making this recording a great experience!) That’s about all we could handle while having full time jobs, and a slew of other commitments. We chosen to give this release the title of “Neurology”. We’ve chosen this title for many reasons which will be explained on our website (www.workerology.com), though our music and in our lyrics.
I’m writing all of you to invite you to take a look at Neurology as a concept. A concept of living whole and healthy. Accepting truth about who you are and believing in your intrinsic value as a human being. Knowing that you’re incredibly important to many people regardless of the thoughts that run rampant through our minds’ daily. If you’re receiving this email, you’re important to me and chances are, you’ve taught me something valuable about the way I treat others and the level of respect I’m working on giving the people around me. Thank you for that.
Also, I’m extending another invitation to attend our FREE ep release at the Rocketown venue in Nashville, TN. (if you live out of town and are on this list, I suggest you drive your butt to our cit-ay!). The concert is on December 16th. Also playing are good friends, A Plea For Purging, Hundredth, and Courtesy Drop. All great bands and even more, they’re all great people! Here is the Facebook event: http://www.facebook.com/events/228123387256754/
We’ll also have an outstanding display of new items for sale and a very beautiful mp3 download invitation! This invitation includes artwork representing each song as interpreted by none other than Mr. Charles Miller, printed on ivory card stock, carefully inserted into red, baby blue and black envelopes. All will be sealed with either gold, silver, red or black wax. Oh, and stamped with a VERY fancy “W” or “N” impression. So beautiful, so sophisticated. SO SOPHISTICATED. I’m VERY serious. (there are a couple samples of artwork for the concept attached to this email)
We’ll also have 11×17 printed posters of the same artwork, sold individually or by the set.
On top of all of that, we’re going to launch http://www.WORKEROLOGY.com on Tuesday morning at Midnight. You’ll be able to buy the ep for only $6, listen to an introduction to the record, download artwork (for screen backgrounds) read descriptions of each track, find natural and alternative vehicles for obtaining and maintaining physical and mental health and a few other goodies!
SO, if you’re into the idea of coming out to a FREE CONCERT next Friday, the 16th of December at Rocketown..please do! I’d love to see all of your shining faces! If not, that’s okay too. Whatever you’re comfortable with is great!
BUT – PLEASE VISIT WWW.WORKEROLOGY.COM this coming TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13th TO PICK UP SOME HEAVY JAMS!!
One last thing and most importantly,
- I love you all a bushel and a peck AND a hug around the neck!
Christina and I finished watching Avatar last night on our new FLAT SCREEN TELEVISION. And nope, it sure wasn’t in 3D. I could definitely see what all the fuss was about. It was obvious that it would’ve rocked my socks off had I watched it through those awesome sunglasses. The story was inspiring to me to say the least. I’m sure there are parts of the film that didn’t come across as well as James Cameron had imagined, but on the whole- it got me. Three-quarters through the movie is where/when I started feeling attached to the characters and how they served one another and what they were protecting/preserving. The homeostasis of all things on Pandora.
There were two sequences in which I felt my heart strings pull life from the past 5 months of work straight into one concept that made complete sense…
1. It was when Sigourney Weaver’s character was dying after being shot by The General in their escape to rejoin the resistance. They brought her to The Tree Of Souls. The only chance they had at saving her. Its purity was the last hope. Watching the Tree’s bright verve slowly climb from the soil around her shoulders and into the back of her neck was beautiful. That stood out the most to me. For a moment we all thought its energy was going to revive her, but it didn’t.
2. The battle was nearly over and in his last effort to “complete the mission”, The General smashed out a window of the pod where Jake was sleeping/fighting Cabin pressure was instantly lost- Jake began to choke on Pandora’s atmosphere. Crawling of the bed he reached for an air mask, but fell to the ground. Gasping. Ney-tiri, after ending a war with arrows, leapt into the pod and found Jake nearly dead. She placed the gas mask on his face, he began breathing, etc. What struck me in that scene was how feminine she looked while holding him.. More than at any point in the film. She was caressing his face with her enormous hands and looked into him. Her eyes were wide and her smile was beautiful.
So, the movie ended and we went to bed.
Over the course of our marriage there have been points where we both couldn’t see the next day with each other.. Would we be happier with someone else? Would it be easier if we were both on our own for a length of time? Are we ever going to be still with one another again? Lately, its been a lot of spending time with each other at arms length. Just to be in the same room with each other. We don’t get too close for too long because we both know what will happen. Tics. That’s hard to handle.
But, last night when Christina was lying down.. I sat next to her on the bed and held my left temple next to hers. For longer than just thirty seconds. About 5-10 minutes. I could smell her perfume and was brought back to some of the first times we ever held each other by the soft scent of shampoo mixed into her hair. I kissed her cheeks and kissed her eyelids. I could feel the walls start to crumble. In both of us. I held the back of her neck with my right hand, cupped the side of her face with my left and watched her fall asleep. I just sat there. Admiring her. I felt strong. I felt needed. For those short minutes, I was her protector.
This video was a part of yesterday’s minute increments..
A month before we started dating I left everything I owned and left Nashville to chase a dream in the music business. That’s when I made the Greyhound trip back across the country to be with her. She saved me. And its been that way ever since. She has been MY provider, MY protector and MY leader. Not the other way around. From what we both been taught about marriage and what we both believe about OUR marriage, it SHOULD be the other way around. I want to feel my strength to lead our relationship come from her when she’s unaware that it’s happening. Like last night.
I want to reconstruct our foundation of trust. She HAS to be able to count on me for the little things. You know? I want her to feel like my bride and not my mother, caretaker. For too long I’ve been the one to have EVERYTHING I need to feel “comfortable”, because I had such a hard life.
It has been “Ryan Rado first” almost the whole time. Truth is – my LIFE is awesome. I really have little to complain about. Days are met with interesting challenges of how to solve the equations which eventually guide us to becoming Kings and Queens of of own lives. Take that however you will, you know what I mean.
[Tree Of Souls] the life force of every living being on Pandora. I need to feel its root network transform all of my self-imposed weakness into a strong back and neck. Strong legs and shoulders to hold up the two of us. An intact mind to make better decisions for us. And gentle hands to repair old wounds.
Christina has been in this battle for 10 years now and I think that’s what struck me about the second scene mentioned. I’ve felt for a long time that she was the stronger and wiser of both of us. It’s true in some areas, but I desire to lead our resistance in preventing the devastation of our world, a world only the two of us know. And more midnights will pass where I’ll find myself married to our apartment floor reaching for her to save me. Please be my airflow.
After brushing my teeth I stepped back into our room and knew I had to get some of these ideas out. So, I typed this note in my phone while standing in the doorway..
Today, October 17 – 1:31 AM
“Dude, please don’t miss this one. Tonight, you thought it would be good to write these thoughts down while feeling inspired. It doesn’t matter how you feel right this moment as you’re waking up, man. Just go to the park and pour it out. This is important to you and will be another step toward wholeness for you both. Please don’t let anything stop you today. I love you, Ryan.
I came to the park today out on Highway 100. It’s always been strange to me why I really never enjoy going to parks or being outside. But, sitting here watching these kids dribble soccer balls and other folks laying in the grass is refreshing. I wonder if it’s fear of being alone. I can clearly see bodies out there, but they most definitely don’t notice me. You’d think I’d take more advantage of feeling invisible. No one’s acting “cool”, no one is hurrying away to their next appointment/meeting in which they’ll probably be let down because it didn’t go as smoothly as they had anticipated. They’re just taking some time. Taking their time. But, they had to MAKE time for this. It seems anymore, we wouldn’t just come to a place like this as a routine. Well, not me at least. I wish you could be here. It’s beautiful outside today and honestly, it hasn’t been the best one so far. The best day, that is. It’s so full out here. I’m looking at the deep green color of all different types of trees surrounding a little porch with an oversized chair next to me. It’s called “The Chairs’ Chair”, looks to be a tribute to a group of volunteers. Kids are still playing, parents still being patient. The color of their clothes contrasted with the combination of light, wind and frail leaves are an unexpected reminder of how I’ve forgotten this exists. Simple.
Christina and I moved out here to Bellevue for a reason. Mostly, to get away from all of the stimulation of the city. Just too much going on all the time. Distraction. I enjoy being out this way a lot. We moved into an apartment complex called The Lakes of Bellevue. It has three “lakes”. Man made lakes, but we’ll take it! After living in a house for a good while, I told myself that I NEVER wanted to live in an apartment again. Even though there are tenants living above and below us, it’s fine. As long as they don’t mind a smack on the floor/ceiling more than once in a while. I’ve been known to throw my cell phone in the air a couple times a minute. No biggie.
After I picked up my paycheck at Whole Foods in Green Hills I made my way down here. Initially, I was going to go home and just sit, then it was Starbucks to get a CHAI. WHAT. Yeah, a chai tea latte. Whole milk. GROSS, but so good. Instead, I decided to stop here, Warner Park. I’ve been noticing a few patterns creeping back in lately. Things I’d sworn off since before my first round of brain training. It’s only been in the past couple weeks that I’ve been reminded of how easily I return to the past. Like my childhood, 20s, late 20s and 4 months ago. For me – It’s all or nothing. Nothing in moderation. That’s a difficult cage to live in.
Here are a few pictures of what I’m resting by..
Some great opportunities are around the corner.
1. Worker is going to record another ep. I think we’re going to title it Neurology.
2. I’m going to be volunteering at the YMCA to help with a group called Full Spectrum for Special Needs children on Saturdays.
3. There is a possibility of helping continue a teen support group at Rocketown called Relate. (Great name, btw.)
4. Fall is here!
5. I start another round of brain training next week.
6. Starting group therapy at The Lotus Center with Dodge and some other gentlemen in two weeks. Very much looking forward to this.
7. I’m losing weight, eating well and drinking nothing but water.
8. Ethan and I are starting to talk about making another video.
9. Worker is playing with Comeback Kid this month.
10. My friend Aaron Shapiro and I are planning on taking some writing classes at Watkins School of Art and Design in February.
——
This video is a band called Poor Old Lu. It’s an acoustic version of a song called “Chance For The Chancers”. I’m giving these dudes credit for getting me through my second year of college. You should read the lyrics below. Such a wonderful song.
everything’s gonna be okay
He’s gonna wipe those fears away
and before the night is thru
this is all going to make sense to you
but you won’t hear these words
no you don’t have the time
that would be a crime
right now, right away
before it gets too cold
and I know how it kills
and I know how it makes you ill
but you won’t hear these words
no you don’t have the time
that would be a crime
everything’s gonna be okay
He’s gonna wipe those fears away
and before the night is thru
this is all going to make sense
…that’s about all I have for today.
I’m gonna sit here for a bit longer and receive what I’ve been missing for quite some time now. Fresh air.
It’s kinda long, but I think you’ll enjoy it! 
